


Diffracted

by dvs



Series: Moments Inbetween [1]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Dreams & Multiverses, Episode Related, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Super Soap Week 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 03:26:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18023861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dvs/pseuds/dvs
Summary: Robert saves Aaron from the lake, but Aaron's still drowning.





	Diffracted

Aaron stares at the ring on his finger. He can’t believe Robert went back for this. Idiot. It’s probably stupidly expensive. Or maybe Robert just deals with stress in really weird ways. Aaron sinks into the cushions, his feet up on the coffee table, telly on, fresh cup of tea within reach. He fiddles with the ring, smiling a little. He remembers being in the car, Robert getting het up about something, and then nothing. There’s a blank space that makes him shiver when he thinks about it, before he feels a rush of warmth at waking up and finding Robert leaning over his bed with a distraught look.

“Thought I’d lost you for a minute,” he had said, barely getting the words out of his mouth. “Longest minute of my life.”

__________________________________________________________________________

1 .

The cold. It’s skin deep. It’s like water in his veins. No. In his lungs more like. That’s when the panic sets in. There’s water in his lungs. That’s wrong. His body jerks at the wrongness of it. There’s water where there should be air, and he can’t cough it out. He can’t breathe. Oh god...he can’t breathe.

2\. 

He wakes with a long and painful gasp that leaves him panting for breath as he sits, hanging to one side to spare the agony that runs across his torso. Robert is next to him in a flash, his hand on Aaron’s back, comforting and warm. He doesn’t say anything, which is a relief, because Aaron doesn’t have enough air in his lungs for a response.

After his coughing fit subsides, he falls back heavily against the pillows. Everything hurts. Of course, there’s Robert sitting there looking at him so earnestly, so much worry in his eyes. His hand closes around Aaron’s, squeezing tight. Aaron peers down and sees matching rings, frowning at them.

“Thought I dreamed it,” he murmurs. Robert’s gaze dips to the rings and a smile spreads across his mouth. Aaron can’t quite figure it out. How does someone as slippery as Robert look so thrilled at the prospect of getting married?

Robert leans down and places a safe kiss on Aaron’s forehead:  it’s about the only spot that doesn’t hurt. “Okay?”

Aaron nods, but he still feels cold and he can’t shake the panic in his heart. He wants to say something to Robert, something like, _can we go home now?_ But, his weird little broken brain says, _don’t speak, the water might rush in._

3.

The hospital’s boring and Aaron can’t wait to get out.

 _Plus_...the hospital isn’t _just_ boring, is it?

It’s where Jackson’s life ended. _Actually_ ended. The dying bit, that was later, but his life came to an end here. Aaron’s fault. He just had to start acting up, didn’t he? Just had to create a drama out of nothing. And Jackson...off he went towards his ruin. Why’d he have to pick up that phone? Why couldn’t he just leave it? It wouldn’t have shocked Aaron. It’s what people did with him. Walk out. Leave him to his own devices. Why couldn’t Jackson just walk away?

4\. 

That time he woke up in hospital after he tried to gas himself in the garage, he’d been so disappointed. That could have been the end of it all. Why did they have to save him?

5.

That time Robert had stood in the hospital room and looked at the scars on Aaron’s body as if someone had cut _him_...what was Aaron even supposed to do with that? How was he supposed to care that Robert cared, when Robert had said the things he said? He had no right to look so hurt. That was the one thing Aaron had for himself, that nobody would try and take from him, and there was Robert looking pained. He had no right. God it frustrated Aaron. Frustrated him to the point of tears as he begged Robert to just leave.

He’d wished himself dead that time too.

6\. 

He wakes up coughing. He’s convinced he has smoke in his lungs. When is that feeling going to go away? The feeling of being smothered by his own pillow, face pressed down--

Aaron sits up so hard he thinks for a minute his neck might just snap. He’s scowling into the dark. How can your own mind hate you so much? Why would it…

“Aaron?” Robert sounds sleepy, sitting up slowly. Aaron stares at him in the dark. His shadow looks all wrong, like something that’s risen from under the bed. “You all right?”

Aaron’s head shakes a no, but his mouth lets out an even shakier, “Yeah.”

“Come back to bed then,” Robert coaxes, his inky black arm reaching towards Aaron. His fingers closing around Aaron’s wrist, cold and damp, freezing the life right out of him.

7\. 

The hospital’s boring and Aaron can’t wait to get out.

 _Plus_...the hospital isn’t _just_ boring, is it?

It’s where Aaron went and stood over Robert’s bed and wished him dead, right from the bottom of his heart. He’d meant it too. He meant it _so_ hard. Who the hell did he think he was? The way he went around, playing with people, playing with their lives. If he was dead, everyone would be happier.

Except, that was a lie, weren’t it? Because Aaron went home that night and lay in bed, a mess. What if Robert _did_ die? He didn’t want that to happen. He hated Robert. _Hated_ him. But he loved him too. Even if it hurt like hell.

8.

He traces the scar on Robert’s chest, and then kisses it. “Does it hurt?”

“Yeah, sometimes,” Robert says, like he’s talking about a papercut. His fingers card through Aaron’s hair, which is funny because it’s not long enough for that sort of thing. It turns more into a lazy head massage.

“Did you really think I’d done it?” Aaron asks, looking up into Robert’s own troubled gaze.

Robert shakes his head slowly. “I couldn’t believe it.”

 _I’m sorry_ , Aaron wants to say, _for wishing you dead_. But Aaron’s love is blind and stupid, making any harmful wishes towards Robert about as effective as a chocolate teapot.

“Not even for a minute?” Aaron asks,

The corner of Robert’s mouth flicks up for a second, a little shamelessly. This prat’s not going to learn from a bullet wound, is he? “Maybe for a minute.”

Seems fair. Aaron _had_ wished him dead after all.

9.

No fish and chips tonight.

Just water climbing up through the ground, cold around his ankles, cold around his knees. Up up it goes, until it’s rushing into his mouth and his nose.

10.

Why is he still banged up in hospital? What even happened? They were driving. They were...were they arguing? Her. Rebecca. They were talking about her. And Chrissie. God, how many other women are there?

_I was going to ask you to marry me!_

11\. 

Aaron sits up with a loud gasp, his hand going to his chest. He stays like that for a moment, feeling dazed. But then the curtains are not so much drawn apart as ripped open and the sun streams in like fire on his eyeballs. Aaron looks away, eyes closed.

“Sorry,” Ed says, not sorry at all as he walks past the couch to the kitchen. He’s walking around in just shorts, showing off his chiselled body. Aaron remembers being chiselled at some point, but apparently soft French cheeses and Yorkshire abs don’t get on much.

Aaron lays back down. He’s sulking. He does that a lot these days. Ed being the grown up in the relationship plonks down some coffee on the table in front of the couch, before taking up a spot next to it. It’s lecture time. He’s never known Ed to sit on the coffee table all dad-like and not give a lecture.

“So,” he says, “we gonna talk about last night?”

“About what?” Aaron asks. “You already made it clear. We’re done.”

“That’s not what I said,” Ed says looking offended. “I just said maybe we need a little space to sort things out. See where we’re headed with this-”

“Whatever.” Aaron throws aside the blanket and gets up to stomp off the bathroom. “Do what you like. Oh and by the way? Rugby, not even a proper sport. Running with the ball in your hands, what’s that even about?”

“Aaron!”

Aaron turns and scowls at Robert. He looks around to find himself in the pub, heading towards the doors out. Robert’s standing there in nothing but black briefs, and Aaron is relieved to look down and find he’s got a t-shirt and trackies on.

“Aaron?” Robert asks quietly and carefully. “You awake?”

“What’s going on?” Aaron asks.

“You were sleepwalking,” Robert says gently. And then a little more annoyed, “You called me Ed.”

Aaron grimaces. “I didn’t speak any French did I?”

“It’s possible you called me something Chas might have enjoyed,” Robert says blandly. Then he’s putting an arm around Aaron’s shoulders and guiding him back. “Come on. You’ve only been out of hospital a day. Don’t want you going right back.”

They go back to bed, Robert curled around Aaron. Bit clingy for a change, but Aaron’s not complaining.

12.

He’s surprised when he wakes up and finds himself in the hospital room. He shivers and immediately someone is covering him with a blanket. He looks to the side and recieves a warm smile.

“You okay?” Jackson asks with a little smile.

Aaron nods. “What happened?”

“There was a crash,” Jackson says. He doesn’t seem so chirpy anymore. “James is dead.”

“Is Adam all right?” Aaron asks. Jackson nods. “Anyone else get hurt?”

Jackson nods. “Robert Sugden. His car went into the lake. Vic says he’s banged up his liver, but he’ll pull through. Listen, I’m going to get Chas. She’s having a chat with Diane.”

Aaron nods. Jackson presses a kiss to his mouth, smiles and walks out of the room. Aaron frowns, lifting up his hand. It’s just his hand. He doesn’t know what he was expecting.

13\. 

Robert’s right in his space, like he owns any spot where Aaron happens to be standing. “Get out of my way.”

“Or what?” Robert asks with an insufferably amused look.

“I’ll make ya get out of my way,” Aaron warns.

“Dying to get your hands on me, aren’t you?” Robert says.

Aaron shoves past him, only to be yanked around straight into a kiss, Robert holding his face in place. Before Aaron shoves him back, he realises he’s kissed Robert back, he’s licked into Robert’s lying mouth, exchanging boozy spit, coming away biting at his own lip.

“Do that again if you want your lights knocked out,” Aaron growls.

Robert scowls and then laughs. “What is your problem?”

“My problem?” Aaron asks, unable to believe Robert is evening saying those words. “My problem is you have a fiance, and I have a boyfriend. You might think this is all right, but I don’t. Being faithful actually means something to me.”

“And if you weren’t with Jackson?” Robert says, waiting for Aaron to confirm his suspicion.

“You’d still be with her.” Robert says nothing to that. Aaron gives him a look, shaking his head. “Just do one.”

14.

“Aaron,” Robert says softly. “What is it?”

Aaron’s sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. His answer is quiet and fearful. “Something’s not right.”

“What d’you mean?” Robert asks, still careful. “Aaron.”

Aaron shakes his head, his heart feeling swollen like a sack of cold water. “I don’t know.”

“Hey,” Robert says, “come here.”

Aaron turns around, miserable to the core, letting Robert kiss him. It feels good, as if he can breathe again for a moment. That’s Robert though, either making it difficult to live, or being the one thing that keeps Aaron going.

15\. 

Jackson’s kissing Robert, hungry and desperate. Aaron just watches, completely unstuck. Then the realisation hits. He’s jealous of Jackson. He’s jealous that Jackson is being kissed by Robert. He punches Robert and argues with Jackson three times in the same day.

Jackson’s stuff is packed by the time he comes back to the pub, taking a breather after the third argument. He pleads, “Aaron. I love you. Please.”

“If you loved me so much, I wouldn’t have found you with Robert,” Aaron says roughly. Jackson opens his mouth to plead again, but Aaron cuts him off. “Just leave. Jackson, just go!”

Jackson leaves. In another time and place maybe they’d get back together, but here they won’t. Robert, predictable as ever, turns up that evening, whilst Aaron is in the back of the pub downing his second beer. Robert walks in and stands there, watching Aaron, a bruise having bloomed at the corner of his mouth.

Aaron shakes his head, his voice thick when he says, “Think you’re so clever, don’t you?”

“I did what you wouldn’t,” Robert says quietly. Aaron glares at him through angry tears. Robert has the gaul to look sympathetic. “You weren’t with him because you love him, Aaron.”

Aaron gets up and heads for the door. Robert follows, grabbing his arm. Aaron whirls around and grabs Robert by the front of his jacket, slamming him up against the wall. Robert looks him right in the eyes and says, “I’ll go if that’s what you want.”

Aaron hates Robert so much. So much he doesn’t know what to do with it. So he kisses him.

16\. 

He wonders, if he tells Robert he wants him dead, will it be enough for Robert to wake up just to spite Aaron into making Aaron love him even more?

17\. 

Aaron’s lying in bed with a big grin on his face. Robert’s sitting next to him, drinking straight from a bottle of Champagne. He’s such an idiot. He grins down at Aaron and says, “What you laughing at?”

“Nothing,” Aaron says, laughing just that bit more. Robert descends to give Aaron a Champagne rich kiss, as indulgent as Robert. Aaron feels...overcome. Robert overwhelms him when he’s not driving him mad. “Thanks. For all this.”

“It’s your birthday. You deserve a fuss.” Aaron has been told he deserves many things. A fuss has never been one of those things. Robert nudges him with his knee. “Oi. No getting maudlin on your birthday.”

“I wasn’t,” Aaron says, He wasn’t. He was counting his lucky stars. Gordon had made him feel like he would amount to nothing, and have nothing. Here is with everything he wants. He smiles at Robert, shaking his head. “I wasn’t.”

18\. 

_There’s something missing. Up here._

19.

_If I lost you, I couldn’t handle it._

20. 

_You can’t do that to me anymore._

 21.

_I’ll wait for you, until you’re ready._

 22.

_Do you know how difficult it was to love you?_

 23.

_You’re the strongest person I know._

 24.

Water water everywhere. Aaron shivers and looks across to the other seat where Gordon is sitting and watching him. The look on his face... The water climbs over Aaron’s head and he can’t breath. He can’t make a sound.

25\. 

He wakes with a start in the hospital room. There’s someone out in the corridor. A shadow. Just a dark shape in the dead of night. _Play dead, Aaron_ , he tells himself, _play dead and you’ll be fine. Just be dead. Be dead and you’ll be fine._ The doorknob turns, and he shuts his eyes, and he plays dead. The dead don’t feel, no matter how deep you cut.

26\. 

Rebecca. She’s beautiful. If she and Robert had children, they’d be golden haired little cherubs. Robert and Rebecca, _R & R_, perfect. Their wedding invitations would have fancy curly lettering. It’s in Aaron’s hand in fact, gold letters on white. Gold on white. Fitting.

“There’s something missing,” Katie says, sitting amongst the wedding guests, her neck at a strange angle as she looks at Aaron. “Up here.”

27.

“Whoa who whoa.” Aaron stops his flailing, realising Robert’s straddling him, holding his wrists to stop getting pummelled by Aaron’s balled up fists. His grasp is firm, but his tone quiet and careful. “Hey. You done? Almost broke my nose there.”

Aaron nods, still feeling panic galloping through his chest. Robert doesn’t let go. He just gently brings Aaron’s hands down, and Aaron lets his arms be placed to rest across his chest.

“What’s going on? That’s almost every night,” Robert says softly. “What was it this time?”

Aaron swallows, his mouth feeling dry. “Katie.”

Robert’s expression is a mix of sympathy and impatience. Aaron knows Robert wants to be done with this, just wipe it from his mind. But Aaron, when has he ever been able to let something go? Robert’s chest deflates with a sigh.

He nods at Aaron, indicating he’s listening. Aaron shakes his head, his face crumpling into a grimace. “She was...telling me how tapped I am.”

“Aaron,” Robert says softly, impatience erased and replaced with concern. “She’s gone, mate. And you’re the last person whose dreams she should be haunting.”

Aaron blinks away tears. “Do you dream you about her?”

Impatience yo-yos straight back. God forbid Robert Sugden should ever talk about what goes on in that massive brain of his. Another sigh, and then a confession. “Yeah. Of course I do. After I got shot, she was having a whale of time in my head.”

Aaron moves his arms out of Robert’s hands so he can touch Robert instead, palms closing around his thighs. Robert being Robert takes this as a sign that the spotlight can be moved away from him again. “It’s been like this since the accident.”

Aaron nods. “Yeah. I know.”

“You talked to your counselor about it?” Aaron shakes his head. “Why not?”

Because... _something’s missing up here._ And it can’t be fixed.

28.

Rebecca. Robert gave her up for Chrissie. He gave Chrissie up for Aaron. He’ll give Aaron up too, won’t he? Maybe Rebecca’s here to close a circle. The way she looks at him. It’s a look that says _I know him exactly the way you think I know him and maybe he still wants me the way he wanted me then. The way you think he wants you now._

29.

Aaron’s fists hit out before he can even think. He just keep going. Why did Gordon have to do what he did to Aaron? Why did Jackson have to die? Why does everything Aaron touch turn to ruin? Why can’t Robert be just his? Why does everything have to be a struggle? Even when he’s happy he’s not happy. Right there on the periphery of his happiness is a dark cloud, always threatening him - _I’m coming. I’m always coming and I will rip it all apart._ Aaron lets the red take over and he punches his way out of the dark.

30.

There are bars where his hospital room should have walls. These clothes...they’re a uniform. Prison, he thinks.

“See, this? This is where you’ll always end up. You can’t help it. It’s who you are.” Aaron turns around slowly, his back pressed against the thick metal door to the cell. Gordon’s standing there in front of his open bedroom door, the landing a shadow in the background. “Acting like some big man. You need putting in your place, you do.”

Aaron stares at Gordon standing in the dock, suited and leaning on a cane. If Aaron didn’t know better, he’d feel sorry for his dad. “Why won’t you just say you’re sorry? Why aren’t you even trying to make it right?”

Gordon steps towards Aaron, and Aaron stumbles back, his feet sinking into water. “Why didn’t you stop me?”

“What?” Aaron asks breathlessly, the cold of the water cutting through his lungs. “I...I couldn’t. You know I couldn’t.”

“Why didn’t you use those fists of yours then, eh?”

Aaron cracks, shaking his head. “Why won’t you just leave me alone?”

Gordon leans in close, untouched by the water that’s risen up to Aaron’s neck. His fingers prod Aaron’s temple so sharp, it makes him hurt all over. “There is something missing, up here. That’s why.”

31.

“You deserve to be happy, Aaron,” Robert says for a second time, more emphatic. His arm is an anchor around Aaron’s shoulders. He feels a kiss pressed into his temple, right where it hurts the most.

32.

Aaron looks down into the quarry. It’s littered with bodies. He can see Katie’s. Jackson’s there too. He frowns when he thinks he sees himself. How can someone be dead and alive at the same time?

33.

A warm hand closes around his, and Aaron frowns down at it, before looking up again. He’s standing at the top of the stairs, looking down into the watery dark.

“Come on,” Robert whispers, his breath warm on Aaron’s cold skin, his arm warm around Aaron’s bare waist. “It’s okay. Just come back to bed.”

“You’re down there too,” Aaron murmurs.

“Down where?” Robert asks softly.

“In the water,” Aaron says. “You’re in the water with me.”

“There’s no water,” Gordon says, leaning in close. “Just you and whatever’s in that sick little head of yours.”

Aaron scowls at him, looking down into the quarry. There’s a simple way to end all this, isn’t there? He grabs Gordon by the front of his leather jacket, and he flings both himself and Gordon over the edge.

34\. 

“Aaron. Aaron!” Aaron’s done. He just lets himself be dragged into Robert’s car, only just about registering that Robert is crouched outside the passenger side, reaching in to cup his face.

“Just...leave it,” Aaron says, not enough breath for thought, let alone speech.

“Shut up,” Robert says, sounding angry and panicked. “We’re going to hospital. Just hang on. You’re gonna be okay.”

Aaron would laugh if he could. He will _never_ be okay. Everything Aaron touches turns to rubbish. How can it ever be okay?

“‘Cos I said so,” Robert says, as if he’s the master of everyone’s destiny or something. Aaron frowns at him through heavy unfocused eyes. Robert touches his face again, telling him softly, “Just hold on.”

He should have cut deeper. Deep enough to get rid of that Livesy blood.

35.

Oh god. Why are they here again? He’s done this already. Why is it happening again? Why is Robert standing there asking, “Do you really hate yourself that much?”

_Don’t make me say it. Please. Don’t._

“He raped me.”

The words ring in his head for days. It’s a wonder he doesn’t smash his own skull in, and peel off his own skin.

36.

Aaron’s fists are a blur as they pummell the body below him. He watches Gordon’s face bruise and become bloody. He’s a mess when Aaron steps away.

“I’m sorry,” Gordon gasps. “I’m sorry, son.”

Aaron lets out a sob that leaves his lungs feeling crushed. “Why couldn’t you say that? It’s all you had to do.”

Aaron stumbles, the ground giving way under him. He doesn’t fight the water, just going with it, sinking without a fight.

37.

_Aaron, you deserve to be really happy._

38.

Aaron gasps, realising the water is almost near his mouth. He’s trapped, the weight of the water all around him, pinning him in place. He’s stuck. He can’t get out of this. The air in his lungs is made thin through panic, and his heart might just explode from fear. He hates this.

“No,” he says, shaking his head.

Out there in the water is a shadow that stands in front of his bedroom door, arms hanging by his sides, as he just watches. What is that look on his face?

39.

Aaron runs through the woods, panting and out of breath. The touch of the shadow is going to follow him everywhere, isn’t it? He’ll never escape it. He’ll always be a broken boy. He runs harder, as the shadow’s reach grows and grows throughout the woods, blotting out the sky.

40.

Go ahead, Aaron thinks, watching the shadow banging his fists on the bonnet of the car. The garage is filling with fumes. Soon enough the white of the fumes will engulf the shadow outside the car and everything will finally be okay.

41\. 

There’s a high-pitched noise Aaron can’t block out even by putting his hands over his ears. It’s slicing through his brain it’s so loud. He has no choice but to sink and then it’s as if someone has a hold of his foot and he’s being dragged down lower and lower to the darker depths. That’s too low, filled with shadows and spaces he can’t escape.

“No!” He frowns at dozens of bubbles that pop around him, each one sounding like Robert.

He closes his eyes and feels inside the cold warm hands that take his face, and warm lips that kiss his mouth, and warm air that makes his lungs unfurl. When he opens his eyes, Robert is there looking at him, shaking his head.

“Don’t,” Robert says. “Don’t you dare.”

Aaron frowns, stepping back from Robert. They’re standing in the middle of a lay-by that looks very familiar, Robert’s car up front, the truck behind.

Aaron scowls. “What’s happening?”

“It’s you. You’re dying, you idiot,” Robert says, looking extremely put out.

“Well, how did that even happen?” Aaron asks.

Robert shakes his head, waving away the question. “Look, don’t think about it. Just concentrate on not being dead.”

Aaron frowns. “Am I dead now?”

“I dunno. I’m not actually here, am I?” Robert says. Even in Aaron’s head he manages to be a prat.

“Yeah, helpful. Thanks a lot. I’ll send away for an engraved trophy, shall I?” Aaron says. Robert looks at him and then lets out a laugh. Aaron can’t help but laugh too. “So...what am I supposed to do now.”

Robert shrugs. “Live.”

Aaron swallows. “Yeah, but that’s just me wishing you’d be miserable if I weren’t around, innit?”

Robert pulls him close. “I love you. ‘Course I’d be miserable.”

“You’ll mess it up, son. Might as well throw it in now.” Aaron turns to see Gordon standing there in the middle of his scrapyard. He’ll never leave, will he? He’ll always be there. “There’s a simple way to end all this, isn’t there? You might even get it right this time.”

Aaron nods. “Yeah? Well, maybe I’ve changed my mind. Maybe I actually have something to live for.”

Gordon scoffs at the idea. “Like what?”

42.

_He’s the sort of person you want to be. And to be with._

43.

_Of course I want ya_

44.

_I’m not leaving ya! No!_

45.

_You’re the strongest person I know_

46.

Aaron coughs and gasps, but the water is inside him, it’s in his lungs and in his mouth. But he’s lying in his bed and there’s no water here. Just a shadow at the bedroom door, filling the room. Aaron scrambles back, away from the shadow. But it’s right there, at the end of the bed, getting close.

47.

“What? This? You having a laugh? Look at him. He’s nothing,” Paddy says, standing next to the shadow which abruptly turns to look at Paddy who looks like he might have a laughing fit any second. “Shadows can’t hurt ya. Y’know, unless it’s dark and you’re not looking where you’re going and you fall flat on your face, in which case they can, but they can’t _actually_ hurt ya. If...you know what I mean.”

48.

“He’s got a point,” Liv says with a nod. “A badly made point, but it’s a point. He can’t touch you.”

Paddy scowls at her. “You try to say something meaningful around what looks like a backfired diesel fume.”

49.

“Shut up, both of ya,” Chas says, appearing on the other side of the fading cloud. “Love, what they’re saying is...we’re here. He’s... _nothing_.”

50.

Aaron squints into the rays of the sun that are pouring into the barn, making the hay golden, making Robert look golden. There’s so much light in here, it’s almost blinding.

Aaron smiles at Robert, stroking Robert’s arms. “What were you gonna ask me?”

“Dunno,” Robert says with a shrug and a bright smile. “Why don’t you try to remember?”

51.

_I love you, that’s why. And I think you feel the same._

52.

_What you on about?_

53.

_This. Us. It isn’t real._

54.

_I was gonna ask you to marry me!_

55.

Aaron stumbles back, gravel crunching under his foot. There’s a metal pipe in his hand, which he frowns at for a moment. Any second now, Robert will walk up to him and tear him down. He looks up. There’s no Robert. Just Gordon wearing a jacket Aaron hates on him.

“Go on then. Say your piece,” Gordon says, nodding to the pipe. Aaron looks at the pipe and lets it fall to the ground. Gordon laughs. “Not got it in ya?”

“Why couldn’t you just say sorry?” Aaron asks quietly. “Even if you had just pretended...why couldn’t you just say it?”

Gordon stands there, impassive. His expression may as well be etched in stone. Aaron smiles, tears in his eyes.

“Even me in own head,” he laments. “Even in here, you think I deserved I what you did to me. Well, _I didn’t_. I was your son. I deserved better.”

56.

“Clear!”

57.

“I deserve to be happy.”

58.

“Clear!”

59.

Robert grabs him from behind and spins him about into a kiss. It goes straight to his head, straight into his bloodstream, like venom, burning up everything in its wake before it can be stopped. The feel of Robert’s hands on his face, the feel of his lips, the heat of his breath as they gasp against each other’s mouths, stumbling back towards the truck, Aaron feels drunk on it all.

A part of him tells him it’s broad daylight, and he thinks he hears the shock in Jackson’s voice, _what are you doing?_ But he doesn’t care, because every atom of his body is screaming in want. Robert, like anything worth its weight in ruin, is addictive from the first moment.

60.

"Clear!"

__________________________________________________________________________

“Right,” Robert says, thumping down on the couch with a sigh, and pulling Aaron from his thoughts at the same time.

He’s got the remote in his hand, flicking through the channels. Aaron frowns at him. “Thought you had a business thing to sort out.”

Robert pulls a face. “Just got you back from the hospital. Not spending the evening at some boring business thing.”

Aaron watches Robert sitting there, like he’s always been there, like he’ll always be there. He feels warmth bloom from his chest, all the way into his face. Robert looks across at him, ready to say something, and then just stops, frowning.

“What?”

Aaron gives a little jerk of the head. “Nothing.”

“So what you looking at me like that for?” Robert asks with a grin.

“Can if I like,” Aaron says with a shrug. Robert lets out a small huff at that, amused, his attention back on the telly. Aaron looks at his ring, which waited at the bottom of a lake until Robert came back for it. “Must have been pretty sure. Going back for this.”

Robert looks confused when Aaron looks up from his ring, but he can see the realisation dawn quickly. He looks the way he did in the hospital, showing his relief in glimpses, between stubbornness and annoyance.

“Didn’t drag you out that lake just so you could die on me,” Robert says, so tenderly it hurts. He looks away, swallowing.  “Besides. These rings cost a packet.”

Aaron watches Robert’s profile, that stubbornness back, right there in the jut of his chin. Aaron smiles and shakes his head as he murmurs, “You’re mad, you are.”

Robert snorts, smug in under a second. “Yeah, and you love it.”

Aaron smiles, not replying. He doesn’t need to say anything. Robert already knows what there is to know.


End file.
